orange_adidas

2006-06-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

suddenly..
feel so lost..
dunoe wat i really want in life..
may look happy..life back on track..
but dunoe y suddenly..feel i lost something..
afraid of relationship..but dunoe how to say..
kinda sense the correct person have appear..but..
feel that he doesnt seems to be truthful or im thinking too much..
maybe single is better?
bees around does make me feel at least im not the one that cause last relationship to be such a failure..at least in the way of looks and character wise? haiz..dunoe ba..
i miss elaine..sob..but we just cant always meet..but my bday is coming...yeah! she just msg me..haha..thot she forget le..but she remember...tats make me feel some 1 out there still remember my important..haha..
but when i feel lost at times..i hope the special someone will be der for me...still searching..haiz...

2006-05-25T00:47:00.000+08:00

issit really i miss him or wat..
i oso dunoe..
or is really like wat ting say..maybe im not used to the lonelines..
i dunoe..
i hope is like wat ting say..
kinda feel like want to fall in love and experience de happy times tat u can spent with him..
no matter wat happen..knowing tat someone out there will care and love u..
when u need a really hug and support..he will be der..
when u need a company when all ur frens are busy with bfs,work,cca and others..
u know somehow u still can count on him to company u..
when exams are coming..u are so stress..u know tat his shoulder will be der for u..and all ur stress and unhappiness will just be gone..
somehow i know frens can give me some of wat is mention above..
but..people who really understand..will know tat..the feeling is different..

but back to it..how do i really know i have get rid of him in my mind and i can cont with my next life..
i really kinda abit afraid to get on with the next relation..
but wo zhen de hao xiang dan nian ai...
wo hao xiang yao you ren tang wo..
wo hao xiang yao you ren ming bai wo..
wo zhen de zhen de hao xiang bei tang..
wo zhen de lei le..

2006-05-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

dunoe sld i say my life is slowly back to track or wat..
suddenly...i guess..i lost the meaning of crying le...
now..even though i still tink of wp..still see him in sch with gina..
still feel abit betray..but maybe the hurt has turn numb...
is abt 3 wks sunny pass away le..
when im alone..when i see bike..i still think of him..
maybe is memories...was thinking the really happy times we have...
sometime i wonder..if we are still couple...will this happen to him ?
will we still be happy ?
i dunoe..but i will wake myself up and stop thinking abt it...
coz i know i got to wake up...
currently status of being single seems kinda great..i guess ?
scendals in oub shop seems fun..but all we know is just entertainment..haha
im not popular or wat lah..just maybe im nice to bully ?
haa...
recently beens chatting quite alot with tis new guy i know...
even though haven really meet..but we seems to know and get along chatting with each other well...nice fren to know...haahaa..

meet up with pri fren on sun after work..i wear so ugly lor..haa...took pict..shall wait for suzan to send us..hehe...went to balcony to slack...
really a nice place to chill...not too bad...got sofa..haa...shall go der and slack with hubbing babes...
haha....
sch alone feel kinda sianz...got a feeling im gonna bcome a anti-social person soon..after end of yr 2 sem 1...haha...

havent really fully recover frm irritating sickness..but still gonna go for training tml for running..hahaha...hope i can make it for the run..i got no more steamina le...die..is time to train up le JOSSIE !!!!! dun be lazy anymore !!!!

2006-04-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

memories of u will always be remembered..
is the only tink i can say..
month of april i lost two person tat i once loved..
1 is gone with another girl and 1 had left me and all of us..
sunny..tk care..will miss u..
tears just drop..i really cant believe it..
feel like im dreaming or issit some kind of joke ?
last yr of today..im still with u..maybe still riding or watching u play hockey..
but tis yr of today..i am sending u off to another place ..
i cant accept the fact..
he just gone like tat..without any inform..
24042006..i will remember..
when i was in the ring yesterday..i dun feel gd..
back to the same place tat i used to be..but at a diff feeling...
memories of how we spent der just flows back..
watching u play..bring water for u..
rushing back hm..seeing u shot in goals..looking at ur happy faces..
but now u just gone like tat...
while sitting at kenny's car..passing by the petrol station tat we used to go..
how u always pick me up...how we spent our time on the road..
how we disturb ppl..how we rush for time..
u taught me how u ride bike..how to wear helmet...and now u are gone forever..and is really from the world forever...
how u want me to accept it ?
the only regrads now is tat time u call..i nv ask u wat u want and i hang up the fone..
but i cant go back time anymore...not anymore...
i keep holding back my tears today..i tried not to let u see me crying ..sorry tat i cant make it..still drop..but i really control alot le..
miss u sunny..miss the time together...
dun worry abt ur family..coz ur brother will tk care of ur mum de..and ur second sis still care abt u..see..last time i nv lie to u rite...she cares abt u no matter how much u all quarrel last time..
....................

2006-04-25T03:40:00.000+08:00

first day of sch..
but im too tired to blog..if even i have alot to share..
important is..sunny has pass away..24th apr 2006 230am..
i cant believe..

2006-04-16T02:14:00.000+08:00

sld i say i hate him...
or sld i say i must be happy for him..
like i say b4..when he really like someone..
he will really treat her gd..
so i guess im rite..and he is currently doin it..
while typong tis..
i really do feel abit like crying...but i told myself no more crying..
and i guess i did it ?

kind of understand the feeling of someone betray u and get involve with another girl and after not long u guys broke off..he got att..
i guess only angie understand how i feel rite now..
is no use crying..i know..

this few days i was thinking..
since owen and thomas is so nice to me..
maybe i sld just try to be with one of them and put watever i have for weiping i just give it to them..
but..i dun like to treat them as spare tyre..i know the feeling of someone playing ard with ur feelings..
i just experience it..
maybe i sld just stay single ba..
let time heal the pain...
going to see him soon..
i really dunoe how strong i can face him..
i really dunoe...
ppl always think jossie is strong..
but the fact is...i am not as strong as u all think..
i admit i do still miss and think of him..
but i know he is no longer mine..
y sld i still miss him when he did tis to me..
but something just cant control...
i really miss him..

2006-04-10T08:30:00.000+08:00

less than 2 months ago..
someone called me and say,
"darling,u still angry ar? happy valentine day..u want to go out tml ?"
less than 2 months from den..
he is already attached to a girl..
kinda of think of it..
how much does he really mean when he say does..
suddenly i felt tat secretly all this time..
he is falling for her behind my back without realising it..
he had been close to her when we are together..
he offically did it after we broke up...
feel like i am such a fool...
placing so much trust in him..
thot tat he wont fall for someone else when we are together..
but i was wrong...

2006-04-10T01:27:00.000+08:00

i am so hurt..
so my guess was rite..
she was the third party..
i hate myself..
i thot i can forget abt u..
i was wrong..
so fast u ask for her to be ur gf..
i nv see u so happy as b4..
i hate myself..

2006-04-04T02:30:00.000+08:00

weeks past,months past..
told myself tat i cant live in the past anymore..
i must move on..
but is easier to say den action..
i tried but doesnt seems to make it..
hearing the past of tommy..
kinda really make me feel tat...
how i really feel abt u..
within such a short period of time..
u change...u fall for someone else..
can i call u a bastard or someone tat fools with my feelings?
i dunoe...im disappointed...sad...angry..coz u let her read wat u wrote when we quarrel..
the last respect of our past..u reveal to her..i know u like her now..
but does tat u u have to let her read it ?
is our thing...not u and her..
i am learning to be independent..trying to get use to my new life..
even though i see couples..it reminds of us..how happy we are..
but all this are the past..
u have move on...maybe i should try...
is no one fault tat i love u so much..is love not like...
i am really truely hurt this time..
cant trust relationship le...
someone pls heal my pain..pls...

2006-04-02T02:01:00.000+08:00

should i be happy or sad..?
u so fast found someone u like le..
is she the third party ?
only u know the answer...
maybe she not..
but just tat ur love for me can fade so fast tat i cant believe watever u told me in the past le..
maybe..maybe...she is the one for u ba..
i dunoe wat to say but..cherish her...
maybe i am stupid tat we will still be together after u get ur liencer or after u are free from ur tinks..
i am wrong ba...
but..i still love u...the fact tat cant change in a day or months...

2006-03-27T02:48:00.000+08:00

i want weiping..
i need weiping..
i love weiping..
i miss weiping..
where are u ?
i dont care whether we have money anot..
i just want u to be by myself..
tats all..
i dont mind not eating or wat..
i dun mind spending all the time at home..as long as u are with me...
u say u wont leave me de...
but....
i not scare of anything..as long as u are with me...
now i really understand how hurt it can be to love someone tat u cant be together but still have to live as normal..
cant even express the feelings to him...
why does the wrong timing wrong place havent come yet..
i want to tell him..
i still love him..i want to be with him...i never forget him...
i want to let the all world know tat i love weiping...he is my boyfriend..i want him to be my laogong....i love him...for him...i will change...just for him..
just as longas he love me like b4...care for me like b4...treat me like b4..
tats all i ask for...really...

2006-03-26T03:03:00.000+08:00

when i see u today...
i dunoe wat to say..
feel like just hug u and dun care abt aniytink..
but....
i really miss u..
miss u...
really dunoe y u so cool...
really feel like give up..stop waiting..
but..i really love u..and i cant force myself to do it..
im sick of alone crying..im tired..
with u..all my tears bcome smile..
my tired bcome strength..with your hug,love,care.shoulder...
everytink in life is just wonderfull...
but...

2006-03-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

he updated his blog le..
guess his life is not very happy now..
but i dunoe how to help..
he really change..
but wat really happen..
am i still fit to help him ?
but he is just bothered by his fren thing..
not us..
guess he got over me le ba...
am i thinking too much ?
i dunoe..
im scare..

2006-03-23T01:33:00.000+08:00

decided to hold on..
hold on strong to someone tat i think is worth it..
even though u might be interested in someone or wat..
but at least at this moment..
i want to hold on strong..
the support for me to go on waiting..
is the sweetest memories u gave me..
wat u did for me..
how u look for me in ecp..
how u care for me when i sick..
how much of things we go thru..
all the hardship..
we have overcome big and small problems..
so wat with this rite..
maybe god wants to put our relatioship to a test..
if i oso give up..den tats the end of our story..
i tell myself..
jia you jossie..bu yao fan qi..
i say b4..u are my one and only darling..
and i mean it..
i really miss you..
miss u badly..
cant stop thinking..
ya..i know i oso dunoe wat u tinking now..
maybe u oso like me..thinking of me..but just dun wish to say..
i believe when two love each other..
no matter how hard..they will still be together in the end..
as long as u are not att to anyone..i will hold on..
hold on tight..even though i am scare..
jossie..jia you..

2006-03-14T00:57:00.000+08:00

in lonely nite..
thought of u..
dream of u..
cant help tears drop again..
i told myself i cant cried for u anymore..
but i really cant do it..
i tried to tell myself stop thinking about u..
told myself to give up on u..
told myself to let go of u..
but i know in my heart..i am just lying to myself..
i may act as if i am alright..act like we are friends..
act like nothing happen..
but everything is just a lie..
i cant lie that i still love u..
i cant lie that i still waiting for u..
i cant lie that i still hoping that u will still be with me..
but i know....u dun wish for it anymore..
ur action when we are out that day..
i know tats the end..
we are just purely friends..
i just want to help u clear ur shirt..i tink u tink that i want to hug or hold u rite..
ur expression is so firece..
maybe somewhere or wat..
or maybe in camp..or maybe soon at work..
u have already a new person in mind..
i am just a passerby..
so silly of me that hoping tat u will be at my window calling me..
i tell ppl that i dunoe why i cant sleep well i cant slp..
but deep inside..i know it..
i am just waiting for u...
just waiting..
afraid that i cant hear u call me..
but i should know that u wont come..
because i am not ur daring anymore...
almost everyday b4 sleep..
hudding to tigger..i cry..
feel so weak..
but i know i need u..

2006-02-26T01:03:00.000+08:00

everyone has a fairytale in their life..
so do i..
but no matter how beautiful the fairytale come be...
i know my did not last long..
fairytale has come till the end..
even though mine did not last till my end of life..
but at least in my memory i knew it happen before..
and i had my own fairytale before...
even though fairytale character has gone..
but memories will always stays in my heart...
memories will stay..

2006-02-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

again and again..
u cheated to me again..
trying my best to be back like last time..
now wat..
we agree that wll slowly cut down smoking..
just like last time..
now wat..do i look like a fool to you ?
do i ? do i look like a toy ?
u like u take back dun like throw away again..
somemore say i know i love u and u love me..
fuck..is all bull shit ! if u really do..why do u have to do this to me ?
do i really deserve this kind of treatment from you..
must i ?
i really feel like a stupid fool..a really fool !

on 14th..u msg and say sorry..i dont even know wat does it mean and u didnt even bother to clarify when i make a mistake.
i even msg u msg that i thot that we not a couple anymore..until fri midnight u told me actually we are still couple..den after tat u wanted to say i treat u cold tat few days but u never bother to ask or clarify and nvm..i took the blame..i say is my fault that i make a mistake....i keep apologies and talk to u nicely...i compromise with you..u want to smoke i know...i only ask for u to slowly quit..i say issit okie when tat day u smoke too much i ask to smoke less..den u say okie as long as i dun give face...den i agree..now wat !
u msg back say " i think after chalet den we think still want to commit or not..coz at chalet i will smoke alot"
wat is this ! fuck !

really feel like a stupid stupid fool tat been fool by you..

peishan ask me..wanted to tell her everytink..so tat i got someone to count on..a shoulder to cry on..someone that will understand me...u really tink i am someone tat now adays keep having mood sway? no..is wheneven i see u...my heart really break...i hold back and try to make myself smile and joke..but i cant ! i dun want to tell anyone that will make them dislike u or wat...
bcoz as a fren..u are nice to them...
i chose to make people think bad of me...i rather be sole..
i try to make myself study and i can stop thinking about u..but im wrong..totally wrong..
u dun care or bother abt me..i already ren already den now wat...fuck...

2006-02-14T14:39:00.000+08:00

u say every tink there is a limit..
wat have u give me ?
ur mistake..u tk 1 whole stupid day to apologies..want me to just give in..i just dun wish to tok..
i hate u...really hate...

2006-02-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

happy valentine day ? ha..
no..i will nv be happy..
why u always realise ur mistake so late..
i really dunoe how to face u anymore..
scars made by u is getting deeper as days goes by...
i really hate the way u treat me..i hate it..
wat can a sorry can do ? forget everytink ? dont u tink ur sorry always comes so late ???
u doubted my feelings and my personality..u dun even have trust in me..finally i realise it..
rite from the start..u lie..still trying to find excuses...i was so piss off and wat did u do ?
NOTHING !!!!! one whole day !!! for one whole day...u finally apologies...
but is too late..really too late...

im sorry.we really cant get along..even though i cant bear to give up..
but i have too....a last present for u..didnt study today..coz want to complete it..if nv do..i would have see u at expo..maybe is all fate...

put it tis way..if u cant change or i cant get back my weiping that i in love with...and u prefer wat u do now...den maybe is time to look for someone that can really accept who u are...hope she is a smoker too ba..coz tis ways u 2 can share together..sure got no problem..den make sure she can tk ur temper k...be gd to her...i really cant lie myself to accept it..really cant..i used to see future in us...as months goes by..future is getting further from me...very far...i cant reach anymore...
i cant accept my husband smokes and pollute my child and die early due to smoking..i dun wish my child to smoke and i cant stop bcoz their daddy himself oso smoke..i really dun want tat to happen...

u say u know ur limit..ya rite...u start to smoke in sch...outside oso smoke...pls make me believe u..pls...i oso dunoe how to trust u anymore...suddenly all ur words seems so far and fake to me..i really dunoe which to trust...ya it may seems stupid to end a relation due to smoking...but u sld know is not only that...ur attitude to me..ur love to me....is all gone..gone forever...

u may chose to throw away the parcel..is up to u...nothing can make me really happy now..nothing .....died in the heart...

2006-02-12T02:26:00.000+08:00

dont u tink want ever u trying to do now is abit too late and not much different it can make ?
why u always try to do that when i am confused with decision ?
how much of concern can u give me ?
how much u will bother abt me ?
didnt u realise ur concern is only one or two days den after that no more ?
u always want to wait for tinks turn bad den do sometink..
i really really getting to not to understand u more...
i really dunoe wats in ur mind and in ur heart..
tis type of feeling let me feel so in-secure...
not secure of ur feeling for me..
i trust u wont betray or two-time me..
but the secure i ask for..u just dun get it..
..............life goes on......................

2006-02-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

why did i decide to put password..
there is no whereelse i can say out how i really feel..
when will u understand how i feel?
when will u ever change for me ?
wat u told me was all a lie..
b4 u want to be with me..u know i hate smoker..
and b4 u want to woo..i saw ur effort of trying to quit.
i believe in u i decided to give u a chance...
as months goes by..ur words and promises came a lie..
a lie that u always trying to cover with ur own excuses..
u are not the one i used to want to be together anymore.
last time when u work in bar..u will cut down ur smoking for me..even if ur customer or boss say u..bcoz u say im the pillar to help u stop smoking..
u dun want me to give up on u..

u know i really dun like.
that time when i hit u..i really didnt want to say that if u want to smoke u can..
i say it to keep u..u sld know how much i dint want to say..
den u say u dun want..coz u say later i will be like wei chang's gf..
den now wat..u smoke like as if im not ur gf..fuck !
i keep lieing to myself that is okok..as long as i give u time..u will quit..
u smoke is bcoz wei chang..u want to pei him that why u do that..
but today i realise...i cant lie to myself anymore..
after lunch..nothing happen..we nv quarrel or anitink..u oso can go smoke with melvin...
cant u give me that abit of respect ??????
cant u spare of my feeling abit b4 u do anitink ????????????????
what am i to u weiping??? wat am i ???
do u know how much i struggle to keep myself going...but u keep pulling me down to hell again and again...
did u realise when i want to talk or voice tink within the grp..i cant longer do it animore ?
coz when i do that..everytime i get shoot by u...and is always me..pei shan say..ok..u will answer her nicer..gene say..u oso ok..but in the guys language...y i cant have the same ???
y most of the time i only get ur stupid angry face !!!!
am i that irritating ??
u really break my heart..really..by alot alot...
im not as strong as u tink...

last time ppl love me more than i do..i finally realise how much i have hurt them bcoz i getting it all back now...

u havent really know wat is it take to really fall in love and really love a person wholeheartly...
yes..u love me..but not the real one...
if u really really get the person u really really love..i believe is true that u will treat her really really nice..really really very sweet...i know im not the one...
now is i really really love u..but i oso want to that in return...i know is impossible...
so i realise to be loved by a person is still the best..
the hurt i get will be less pain...

can i chose to give up ? or should i cont to give in and pray that one day u will realise and will treat me the best ? will this day ever come?

wat if one day u realise that u lose me...will u regrat? or u will be happier coz u might find someone better ?
will u ever remember that somewhere in ur life that there is such a girl that u once love b4..put in efforts for u..wat ever she do..she remember u? remember to print ur share..once she wake up..only worry that u havent wake up?
worry abt ur safety? scare u forget tis and tat and keep reminding u and dun even remember her own tinks ? when ever she got money..she will rather pamper on u..will nv mind how expensive the item is..she will just get it for u..even if she cant and dun bear to spend it on her own item ? and even if she has to eat less and spent less ? will u even feel touch and not repaying her back her favour but fill her up with all ur love ?
wat she is asking from u is not money..she only asking for ur abit of ur attention and care and concern...whereever best memory u do..she just want to be a part with u to share that happiness in ur life..that every tink..u will remember her and love her more each day..
is that really so diffcult to get ?

maybe u dun tink want ever im doing is special..
ya i agree that maybe most women and girls can do that...
maybe some where or wat..u might even find some one that do that better den me..
can tk care of u better..be the prefect one that u always wanted...

whatever i do i dun want any return favour from u..
but i just hope u will realise it..
but im wrong...really wrong..
u are just taking it for granted...

tears flows and flows..
cant stop..
i cant cry in front of u..
always get say back by u or u just give me a kind of face ..like 'wat the hell..cry again'
i cant bring myself to talk to u face to face..really cant do it...
i dunoe will i say the wrong tink in front of u and u might just say..ok lor..den lets just break...
i dun want to hear that...
b4 u can tink how to make things better..it bcum worst....
i really dunoe how...

2006-02-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

who will ever know what is happening behind every relationship
who will ever understand those seems happy relationship..
how much of give in and take each party is doing
if he/she dun even understand how much you are giving in
den either one of you should wake up and tink issit or fair to treat him/her tis way.
does she/he deserve to be treated tis way...

to be loved or to love is better ?
why in tis world..there cant be having both in a relationship.
why some people just dont understand.
maybe i should agree that to be love is more xin fu for every women?

2006-01-09T02:52:00.000+08:00

been thinking..
even though this is my blog and i can write wat even im feelinging..
but i realise..i cant be so selfish ! wat if ......see it ? will i hurt them ? i know thy might not even realise it..even after reading..thy might not even know is them..but is ok...so i decided to delete it...

frens come and goes..even though i cant longed for the type of frens tat i wish tat thy remember me...but i sld grow up by now....i sld know how to understand ppl feelings...im sorry if any of u have read the post...im sorry..just at that moment i just unhappy.....

ok..let make myself happy ! finally we took our first neoprint..haa...
but lazy to post tat..shall put other pic..hee

2005-11-24T01:05:00.000+08:00

relationship can be sweet,painful,sour,hurtful,loving,wild,enjoyable and etc...
giving in is part of parcel of it..
ren shou is also 1 of it...
but who know...who can take it for long...
if one day anyone of us give up...will were still be friends? will we even meet again?
will we still be happy as even? issit true tat when come to a point tat we sld give each other tym to think abt it? a time to think whether how much we can ren shou..how much we can give in..how much more to can hold on..is he/she the really person that you long for? are the two of you really suitable for each other? is he/she the idea partner tat you want to live the rest of your life? is he/she really the person that you want to take care of,love of,a husband/wife to be?

something a smile from him or her can just make your day..
but something bcoz he mean so much to you that just a hurtful words from himm can cause you cry..who can even promise that relationship will always be happy?

why do people want to get attact? issit bcoz thy really feel that he/she is the right person or issit thy just want to moment of passion or issit just the moment of crush? who really understand what women long in or for relationship..
yes,true indeed that many people has sucesseful relation and is still holding strong..but am i? haha...i hope i am...

2005-11-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

this is the guy that stood by me whatever im down...even though we quarrel..but i still love u darling...couples do quarrel...but we r still as loving rite ? haha...just few more wks..we going to be 6th months le..issit it fast? even though i see u almost everyday..but i wont get sick !!....as for in sch...we just let times goes by k..sooner or later thy will noe ...is ok..coz we got nothing to hide.
ok..must b wondering who is tis cute child rite...of coz not mine lah...is wp's brother's sis kid...yuan yuan ar..how long u only c me..n u already stick with me lk super glue..hehe..he is so cute..hyperactive...but i wonder if u c me again will u still remember me ?

2005-10-11T01:24:00.000+08:00

last customer of the day :
piss me off hard core !!!!!
F*ck !!!!!
stupid frens of his...not u all subscribe tok so much for wat..fuck off lah...want to company den sit down n shut up lah...wau lau not u all pay money tok so much for wat..he already noe want he want le rite..if u guys tink the red colour company provide a better internet service den go lah...cum to counter tok so much for wat...juz go der lah...for all i DUN CARE !!!!!
juz doing my job to tell u the pro n cons of wat u will face of not having the signal rite..who ask ur resell flat is retrofit !!! u tink contractor work hub ar...noe wat is hook up signal ar....dun understand den ask..ask le den explain u still dun understand...tok to u too much u act smart....ask u go hm check dun want...go for installation dun want...no signal den hook up signal den want discount...den dun subscribe lah..no money F*ck off lah...u tink wat..everywhere can bargine discount ar..u oso got no any service at all lor..discount wat shit...ur fren act so smart ask him pay for u lah...
if ur frens tink cuming to hub is wasting of time n need to b sarcastic..ask them dun cum in...u tink we want to serve u all tis type of F*ckin ppl mah...u all tink u wat..president or CEO ar..pls lor...so wat u mean if u were younger u would have complain ben n me...go lah..u tink we care...complain still need to wait for younger mah..or issit u too old tat ur balls has grow small tat u got no guts no do it...hahahahahaha...tis 1 is thy tink of it de....hahaha...nice 1 frm thomas...
pray that u dun have signal n need to pay for all the charges !!!!!! hope u waste ur first month subscription !!!!! hahahahaha...im so bad...but im sorry...i cant help to curse !!!!!hahahahahah....

2005-10-03T10:46:00.000+08:00

never say sorry when u dont mean it.
never say sorry when u juz want to patch tinks up.
never say sorry when u actually in the end u dun tink is ur fault.
y ? y ? y ?
because whe n the girl found out the truth that u say all tis when u dun mean it,
u will only hurt her the most.
the fact that u lied to her and when u cant tk it animore,
another quarrel appears,
u will start digging out the past n try to settle it with her again while she was half forgotten the matter as she thot was settle and while u tok abt it again...u hurt her heart once again...
placing her pride down to apologies n giving in needs time..guys pls dun force her to her limit...
rather den keeping her cool down, u agitated her even more...u keep toking ur feeling abt wat u unhappy abt her frm the past n till now...wat is tis...guys will nv understand...thy only lk to do watever thy lk..when thy feel lk toking thy juz do it...
u guys lk to scold bad words to ya's gf issit ??? y does guys always tinks tat thy r the ones that give in more than us ??? can anione enlighten them ???
the tink that hurt her the most is not having the same attack lk b4..even though thats hurts too...but is he simpliy lied to u n when trying to check u r ok...words that he used is so hurtful...sarcastic words..frm the start till the end...

2005-09-28T00:24:00.000+08:00

tis r the happy moment that we spent together...really treasure it...issit nice? hehe...juz finish revision sum of dcnk n decided to blog in..juz read ur blog..im sorry tat we have misunderstanding between the two of us..even though we have less time spending together n more quarrels..but i really hope all tis will nv happen again..i noe all tis has put us in test..n i noe we have overcum many...but i juz love to be happy...really thank for giving in to me when u r angry..even cum n look for me..im sorry for watever happen...sorry darling...but i cant wait to c u again.
and i still Love u as much now !!! *muack*

2005-09-25T01:56:00.000+08:00

y life thy is always so many things bothering us?
y does we have to always be trouble by money?
y is money so important in our life?
issit really tat without money our life cant be happy?
issit without money there is really no entertainment?
issit without money we cant meet?
do u really think money is everything?
do u really feel that only with money then we can meet up?
do u really have me in ur mind n heart?
did i even look down on you without enough cash?
did i even let u feel that i only love money?
did i let u feel that i only think about myself all the time?
questions questions n question..
lots of questons in my mind that is not answerable..
god creates this world for us to live on..but in the mean while devil also creates all this temptation that leads people on..n which coz bad from to worst..
who can really help us?
u?me?human being?
i tink i will still relay on God for him to give me this glance of hope that i wishing upon him..

as days goes by..
is i getting not understanding enough or im juz askin for too much ?
i myself dun even really understand animore..
or mayb i sld say i dun even understand myself..
y i think for u n tell u decisions tat is against my heart but i still can make myself to say it out to u when knowing it will only hurt myself n knowing that u will might juz agree to it ? y im i such a dumb foolish ass ?
i hate myself for doing that to you..
but sumtym i really dunoe understand u?
am i having problem with myself for not learning to understanding u n rather keep expecting u to do tat?
im such a selfish person ?!?!?!
i dun even noe wat actually im blogging rite now..
juz feel that hasnt been tokin to people for a long tym i now i got so many rubbish to blog..
wat r u doing jossie?
u r so crappy..
stop everytink rite now if not people around u will only suffer especially the one u love...

results

2005-09-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

haiz..kinda regreted signing up for sms result..first tink in the morning i saw a msg thot was my boy..but den is my result..haiz..even thot i was kinda expected tis outcum..but was tinkin der might b a new hope..haiz..gonna study hard for a sup paper..sianz..
guess im not gd enough n i really not fit to b in IT sia..only got Cs n Ds..sumtym i cant help to feel tat life is so unfair..y do ppl play during exam can pass n fail all term test..but in the end passed all ?!?! is the person be lying to us tat hedun understand ? frm here..i understand tat whether the person wish to study anot..i dun care..coz thy dun deserve by me...coz thy might be juz acting..thy did study..sld not i bother too much lk whether sld call him for study..ask him stop playin n start study..coz u noe y..tis type of ppl actually mayb secretly have been studying hard..dcnk..even dave fail...if wp pass..i admit is fair..coz he did understand n he put in effort..but first to cum out..he PASS !!! wat the...cum out keep saying all sort of shit...n den now leh...im so sorry..i really cant help to believe the truth..n i sld noe tat i sld not compare..but i juz dun understand y does tis type of ppl exist ? is human being such a selfish creature tat thy really tink of themself first rather den helpin frens out with sumtink tat thy dunnoe n everyone will be happy in the end ?haiz...guess i only can trust a few ppl in klass..wp..u r one of them tat i trust most...no one can b compared..
even though i noe im veri bad to say abt my own klassmate in my blog n critise their results..but i juz cant help it...
even though 3Ds n 1Cs is nuthink to b proud abt..or i sld say is lousy..but atleast i tell myself tat i have nv lied abt my ability..how much i can help u guys whenever u all ask me is all reflected in my results....i shall try hard next sem to get rid of Ds..i muz try hard !!!!!!

-_-

2005-09-18T05:00:00.000+08:00

wp..tis is for u if u happen to read..

i have been trying hard to adopt to tat kind of environment of urs..even though i club..dun i dun need to entertain to smoke or drink..is u r changing or im changing or actually u r lk tat ? i dun noe..i got no idea how i will handle when i smell the strong smell of smoke on u..sumtinks cant b covered...
ok..i tell u...u tinki really want to work night life mah? is coz i want to try to suit to ur schedule..but i realise tat i really dunnoe n not up to the standard of f&b..not used to it...u tink i really want to go back starhub meh..i got no chose...u work i do wat? rot at hm ? shopping? money leh ?i cant make it lor..
i noe u got ur difficulties..i noe is hard to maintein..tats y even how i upsad or wat..i try my best to forget n forgive so tat i wont affect u as u work..
i told u dun let me stick to u so close liao..when u nv start glueing to me for 2 days or more..i cant tk it de...but u dun want to believe me..haiz!u c now wat happen ?
smoke..haiz..told u i hate smoker..but my boy himself is a smoker..wat u want me to do ?? how to trust u when most of the tym u smoking..even when ppl juz offered u 1..u teach me !!! it hurts me u noe...not tat i dun want to encourage u..but im really upsat whenver i noe u smoke..but i juz act not really angry by makin u do pumping..inside i really angry n upset lor..but if i tell u the truth le..will u still continue to tell me u got smoke mah ? n often is i gonna question u myself how many u smoke tat day..im tired..everyday i pray tat whenever i ask u again..ur ans is zero..n is always zero..but when can it cum true ????
darling..sorry to lost trust on u for tat..im really Sorry...hope u will understand...im Sorry...
i keep trying to tell myself tat once i love the person..u muz accept his everytink..gd or bad..but i realise tis 1 is still cant really compromise of u smoking everyday...social i still okok abit...once in afew months tat kind..coz i noe is not easy...b4 u work at bar..i told u i really scare u smoke..but haiz...nightmare still havent..n worst is i nv expect tat u dun even noe how to tk care n almost everyday drink till drunk..u hurt me lor..if i really u c..it will hurt me more..even though i will tk care of u..do u noe u r killing urself everyday ???
how i wish sch faster reopen so tat all tis nightmare will end soon..everyday im having nightmare...
but den..i dun want u to quit job..but i juz expect u to tk care of urself..tats all i ask frm u..msg me to let me noe tat u r safe...ami asking too much frm u ??? pls let me noe if i am...

.....

2005-09-17T02:09:00.000+08:00

so sianz...stay at hm till quite late den decided to go out n but bemudas for my new job..was tinkin to go alone but cant help to try my luck to c anione can pei me go..finally manage to get xq to pei me..thank! even if is so last min..she still make the effort..too bad lala juz too tired to join us..n if we all got $$..we already go for k-ge n i wont b here le..$$ is so important...

tink is i too long nv work f&b line so wat..kinda not use to it..everytym say i walk so slow..say i tis n tat..wa lau..u all first day noe how to do all tis meh..haiz..no choice..new environment..new job..everytink is so new...

went out with xq..but still cnt manage to avoid meetin all hubbing frens...even if nv go in n say hi..goin go alone i still saw mikhail..haha..as usual lah..smokin break...
chio me for coffee..ok lor..went cafe catel to drink..keep sa ko me to go p.s n walk...temp me on how gd is the ot..OMG !!! ltr juz rachel..a senior tat now workin at cuppage..haiz..tok to me on phone..again..another chio me go cuppage to work for her..haiz! but all tis place is so far !!! cnt decide now..remain wat im doin now.? or cuppage ? or p.s ? so fan...haiz !!! devils are makin me to decide !!!! how !!!! it is the 3rd job im offered today..all is hubbing life...juz tat diff place..diff timing...gonna tink carefully....

was reading thru sumone blog n i realise tat tis sun is lantern festi..omg..i didnt noe is so fast...but im workin..so r u..haiz! i noe muz earn money..so gonna work at nite...haiz! nvm lor..coz i noe u will make tym for me de...
but if i really chose hubbing life..we will nv gonna chance to meet..haiz...even though juz now is juz a glance of u..im satify..lookin at u..juz make my day...even though i really cnt bear to leave..but i noe i have to...coz if i stay der will only district u..i dun want...
haiz..when r u goin to update ur blog..spiders are crawling on it liao..thy goin to bulid hse der le..haha....really miz u...cnt wait to glue to u everyday !!! hehe..oh ya..i bite 1 straw today...im so proud to b honest !

boring...

2005-09-14T00:57:00.000+08:00

veri long nv update..
exams r over..goin to start working soon..not starhub animore..
i wont go n beg for jobs..i ask u b4..but u chose not to reply...u r not the only job tat i can work..when u guys need peeps i help..but den...haiz..nvm...will start anew again..sumtink diff tis tym round..hope i will get used to it...

sianz..result next wk cum out..haiz..dcnk..haiz...sup paper ? i dunoe...coz i really dunoe how to do lor...sianz...
will make gd use of my holiday to make up to ppl tat i veri long nv c n i tink is worth it...for ppl tat dun even bother remember me..dun bother noeing my exists..i dun tink i will waste time on them...coz as life goes on..i noe who r the ppl that i sld treasure...frens cums n goes..but in my heart..i noe who r the 1 tat r true n will be der for me...

wp..thankz for being such a gd lover to me...u really let me noe wat is xin fu..really..i tell myself i cant let u suffer..u muz be pamper by me..love by me...everytink by me...work hard k...but dun b too xin ku...sorry for all the xiao jie temper..coz i juz wanna ur attention..but u still ren with me..thank darling...u pull me out of suffer n fill me up with love,care n concern...without knowing u...i tink i will still be suffering..mayb physical but confirm mentally...glad tat u dun xian qi me...i will really try hard to be a perfect gf for u n only u k....miz u every min..muz b wondering y issit so small rite..haha!

happy!!!! =)

2005-08-29T02:50:00.000+08:00

haha..
okok..finally projects r done...only left sems exam...
time flies kinda fast...it has been ard 3+ months in tp ?
...went out with wp today..depite of us not having enough buck with us..but we still manage to enjoy the day with each other presence...really great to havehim ard..especially whenever u need a comfortable shoulder...his is the best tat i ever had..
nv regrat noeing u...really hope u will b by myside when ever it is....

goin back to sac anione ? really veri long nv step in der..wonder how has it bcum le?
still gonna get my Os cert ar..die liao..dunoe still have mah..haiz !

.....

2005-08-23T02:38:00.000+08:00

life in poly especially in IT course is stressful...
nv get to slp well lately...tends to have mood sway easily n sometime i cant help to drop tears easily too..feel so lousy...

so many tinks need to do n settle...whenever i start to explain or clarify..cant help to cry..dunoe y..veri sensetitive lately...feel kinda scary too...y am i becoming lk tat ?
where is the old jo gone to ? haiz !....gonne go zZz le...

.....broke.....

2005-07-31T04:27:00.000+08:00

went to check out my account today n finally i realised tat im freaking broke now ! sad~ if im mum is not giving me ani allowance tis wk..i will die...coz no money to eat liao..sob! or mayb have to pack lunch to skool or tk it as sliminglor..coz i found out tat im growing fatter as the day past..n i cant stand it animore...going to have double chin soon ! OMG ....die dark! muz start exercise le...haiz !

fri...
finally is my free day to meet up with frens...wanted to meet my laopo..but den she is too tired n wanted only meet tm..but when xiaoqian msg me to chio for movie..i was tinkin y not ! i oso veri long nv meet up with her n i oso can let my laopo go hm n rest...ok..msg laopo n tell her tat..knew she was tired..without hesitate..she reply ok!...called my dear lala along too...
three of us went to watch a jap movie..comment on movie..touching,storyline gd..but too slow...coz i fall aslp..hehe...no lah..coz i juz find it too slow lor...dun really worth $9.50...$8 is ok..but den tink of gathering..tink im ok with it liao lor...

but as i was shopping ard HMV juz now...i found out sumtink...OMG ! i tink tat show vcd as out already lor..so sad sia...haiz ! aniway took sum pict yesterday with lala..too bad tat i lost my cam fone so all pict r with her..as soon as i get my new phone...gonna use her infar to my fone ! hehehe....

sat...
went out with klassmates...brough benben to cut his hair first...haha..he say i lk last tym his mum bring him go cut hair n tell the hairstylist how to cut..but he say me lk sis lah..haha...
i find tat now his hair is neater n he look better lor..more guai..rather den ppl keep mistaken him as ah beng...
at nite..after eating at suntec..ah ben n ying went hm first..only left shan n me wait for me to finish shitting...haiz..finish eatting shit..no more food liao lah...after tat the three of us decided to try sumtink new..haha...walking ard the fountain of wealth..haha...so silly of us..all of us was lk saying that we muz pray tat we pass all our sems n can promote peaceful the next 2 yr ba..hehe...so intersting...

sun..
haha..dunoe yet..coz now is 4+am in the morning..but i noe i will going out with wp...silly boy of him to cancel his schedule to pei me...but den thank you...hope ltr wil b enjoyful day for the both of us worz..hehe....ok gonna go n zZZzzZZ.....*yawn*....

but after today..gonna rush for projects again..none stop of projects..sianz...
can i have a break ?!?!?!?!

the reason....

2005-07-27T01:40:00.000+08:00

i'm not a perfect person
as many tink i wish i didnt do
but i could continue learning
i never meant to do those thing to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to noe

i'm sorry that i hurt you
it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
thats why i need you to hear....

im really sorry..mayb i am not gd enough for you...mayb u will find someone better than me...
mayb everytink is juz too sudden...mayb....i dunoe....

but all i noe...i terribly feeling sad...i sorry to hurt u ...but i noe i really do love u....u may tink im lieing or wat...but at least i tried to coax u when im damn hurt by ur words...wat say have already said...it cant be tken back....u nv even tried to console me first b4 blaming me again...u juz keep on saying..venting ur anger....i noe my mistakes.....but i oso learnt a gd lesson...

im not angry at all...

2005-07-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

juz want to blog in to release some stress.....
stupid pms coz me trouble for big tym...
giddy,headache...sucks..
ur words n attiude make me really want to prove to u tat i can do the animation rite...
i really not angry at all..but im really half sianz when u keeping sayin abt the leg..n not showing me how to do the rite 1 n keep accusing me..i noe im damn to not to tink n juz use wat u did for me..
but i really dunoe how to do alice...im a visual person...i cant imagain tinks well...i muz c with my eyes..tats mine main problem....so u keep commenting...keep saying..i oso dunoe how to do...juz lk if ur alice got prob n u already start to have headache again...sumone bside u keep saying n saying...of coz will sianz half 1 lor....

sorry to show u attitude..but i tried to make myself happy n hope to c u smile...but i failed. u juz cant smile back....u r still as moody..i really dunoe how....i noe u r trying to help me n dun want me to b too tired...but i appreciate it...i noe im subborn...but i really want to try first...if i really dunoe..i will call for help..so dun judge by urself k..u tink i really so stupid meh ? really got prob..i will call 1....but u really damn obverse lor....everytym no matter wat..u will send me up lor..today leh ? haiz....nvm lor...if u really angry...im really SORRY.....

p.i.s.s.e.d o.f.f.

2005-07-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

i hate today.!
tinks nv goes rite in sch.
friendship. projects.n the worst tink...i juz came mens! went toliet n i found out !
damn it ! no wonder im so damn bad mood n impatient today !I HATE MENS !
f*ck !
but den..do u tink sumtym i really dun understand y u r even subborn den me ? friends cum n goes..by not the four of us...do u understand ? i really treasure the tym the four of us goin out together..to everytink together..project together...hang out together..qurrel n help each other settle...but watever u r doin today i really feel that u have more fault den kerlynn....u may tink that im siding kerlynn..but im juz stating the fact ! i really hate to tok abt money....especially when cums to friends....u sld noe that...mayb try to understand ppl more so that u will have less miscommunication with ppl...dont u tink u have more tink to learn? learn to b more gentleman lah...is juz small little problem..women are petty n im agreeing it...u angry,u not happy, but u make mel me kerlynn suffer.....juz treat that im being selfish to ask u to tink of us first k...u goin to b 18th soon..u still alot more to learn in life...im not teaching u..not lecturing u...not telling u..juz want to share with you..tats all..coz final decision is still up to u rite?

ok..im sorry tat i let the grp noe abt wenxi tink..i really din not mean it...im really sorry for that..but do u really need to qurrel with me when the grp is der ? cant u juz give me sum face ? i tell u how i feel lor...i feel lk me 19 still have to qurrel with 18 n still need to face 17 n 18 ppl...suddenly felt im so childish....i cant stand myself..i felt so paisei at the tym n decided to go hm str8 n as fast as i can...imagine i walk all the way out n wanted to cheer u up n apologies but when i call u..i heard u shouting down stairs...i drop the call n heard u toking bad abt me soclearing upstairs...in my mind that tym was FUCK ! do u need a mic to tell the whole world ? u can vent ur angen but i chose to enclose myself n rather walk off...really got no face to b der...ah ben will b tinkin y tis da jie so lk tat...how old liao..i dunoe...so many qns appear in my mind...
really wish to b alone..dun want to tok to anione...was tinking not to go sch tml too....sick !

I AM SO SORRY !!!

2005-07-18T02:22:00.000+08:00

after reading kai'sblog n i realise that actually tat wed nite i din not went to meet up with mj n ltr tat evening when ah poon called me..i thot was normal clubbing session again...but i juz realise tat is was oso a gathering !!!! im so so so SORRY...especially to mj...i really din not noe u have plan a gethering session...sorry.....i felt so bad...actualli i thot was another gathering session without me ask alone as usual...till i saw u ask unice got headache after drinking mah....i hope tat is the place that mj chio me to....

due to my playfulness in my klass chalet...dun really feel well..i dint went clubbing...after reading it...i cant help to feel super bad n decided to blog in...mj..still cant read ur blog...how? tell me !
thot of meeting up with u guys...even though i tink not alot of u will reply my msg or meet up...as i was not close to the grp...as i was blogging in...secondary schs memory appears again....
i used to enjoy hanging out with them...after sch eat together...but dunoe y since sec 4 or 5...im seems not in the grp animore....at tat point of tym...i was really sad, angry,moody n disappointed. coz i really dunoe the reason...issit coz im irritating ? juz cant click ? actually till today i still dunoe the reason...i tried way to get back close to u guys..but failed...coz all of u r alreadi so close that an extra person lk me cant get in animore....even though i may seems lk nutink happen in sch..but in my heart...im really crying...during that tym..when im alone at hm or studying for Os...i cried ! y ? coz i feel lk i got no really frens n im super jealous of u guys....

whenever u guys have gathering n i found out by myself...no words can describle how i feel inside my heart ! needles..knife...sword...are all pinching in ! hurt !
sumtym i juz hate myself..dunoe y...hate myself not noeing all of you more...hate myself for not understanding u all more...hate myself for not meeting on wed...im sorry .....

......

2005-07-11T02:13:00.000+08:00

ok..finally try to download foto..coz wp ask me too..so i decided to give it a try..so i can say im smart..!!! haha.....

okok...after some misunderstand btw the two of us...we r happy again...hehe....so sorry tat i let u wait for me at my block for abt 30mins..coz i was tokin to my dear laopo elaine...sorry...
tis few days we lk awhile happy awhile sad..lk both having pms lk tat..haha...diao ! r we too childish ? i hope not...ok at first u seem quite moody..i oso dunoe how to cheer u up leh...so only can make fun of myself to try make u smile only..not laugh yet lor....so diff lor..how ? ok..i noe lah..u give me a ans liao lah..haiz..mayb im juz too sensitive or petty lor..im sorry...but i veri miz u as the days goes by..feelings getting strong..i noe u r not a spare tire..n now i want u to noe tat...!!! ok lor..so too muash tinks i really dunoe how to express lor..lk i told u b4 rite ? if u can remember lor...times will prove whether we r suitable for each other....

i noe u dun lk me to club..but i din mean to keep saying clubbing..coz is a form of entertainment to enjoy n relax..not to play with guys lor..or noe more ppl...n i noe how to tk care..n u muz believe me k...
u oso got tink i dun lk mah...n i noe u oso trying to change..but not tink u can oso change so fast rite ?
okok...today is our klass chalet...hopefully will be fun...n if can..i will load picts too...!!!

2005-07-11T02:08:00.000+08:00

haha..taken by wp..so ugly of me....

birthday....

2005-07-09T02:27:00.000+08:00

okok...i shall decleared tat im old liao..juz celebrated 19th bday on 6th july....so sad...last yr to enjoy my yr of startin with 1..haiz...

on wed...after last term test paper...went kbox with my classmate....so sweet of them to buy me present n first tink when i reach sch was gave it to me.... THANK YOU !!! after...all of them stand in 1 str8 line n wish me...haha...so pai sei in tp....ok..we were lk in kbox frm 2+ to 8...oh my god...really sing till not voice liao lor...haha...kerlynn n i was lk so high in singing..when our two laos..keep playin fast song for us to sing..we begun to dance n sing lk mad women...haha....we even got male dancer for us...haha...really nice to k with kerlynn...next tym muz chio her more...hehe !

after tat...wp bring me go orchard makan...went walk walk at merlion der...had a nice chat with him...got to noe him more...ok lor...kinda scare by him for tellin me so much bsd pts of himself...but kinda tink of him...thank you for being so truthful to me b4 i made the wrong decision again...really appreaciate it...

but sumtym i oso dun understand u...do u really forget abt her le mah ? if u do...u noe u sld not avoid her frens ? n u say coz sumore u with me....wat issit ? i cant b shown to ppl ? frens cannot go out together mah ? scare so much for wat ? .... it really hurts me...i really dunoe y i had tat feeling...mayb im really falling for u....haiz...i dunoe.....but will we b happy ? sad ? angry ? desperate? lonely ? ....confused !!! i hate life....y life have love....love is so complicated....always someone will be hurt eventually....i dun want..i dun like...i hate it...i really hope u can tink properly i give me a reply when u r done with the tinkin....if u really tink tat ders nutink u sld tink abt...pls let me noe too..thank you.....coz wat i really really want is whether where am i really stand in you !!! tats all...nothing much..i dun ask for more...coz i noe i sldnt....coz im not fit to do tat....coz i oso cant tell u where u really stand rite now....im sorry....i really want to apologies to u....coz im really lousy at relationship...always have advice for ppl...but when is for myself...i sucks big time...! im sorry......................

stress !!!

2005-07-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

ok...tink we r goin abit too fast liao...but den i still enjoy ur presence lah....hehe...ok lah..nice ppl to be lah..ur klass ppl...but den..getting to noe u more...kinda feel tat sumtym u lk not veri open to me leh...ur temper weird weird one..cant catch it...pls teach me how....dun understand...aniway i noe u have tried to quit smokin.thank you. but i hope u noe is for ur own gd not for me...sumtym i oso not veri gd at tokin...so i will rather msg or blog in...is easier to write den tok..coz i scare i will say the wrong tink again...mayb u can call me stupid or wat lor...

aniway...tis cumin wk is term test liao...so fast....tp students...remember to study hard k..super stress liao..is juz a term test...but if nv pass term test...final yr pass oso no use..so gonna try hard now...sianz !

ping ar..i hope i nv say anitink wrong here...coz im juz sayin watever i feel here....sorry if i say sumtink tat im not suppose to...
life r always full of ups n downs...downs r always more den ups..how i wish life will always full of happiness...colourful colours...understanding....

ping ar...i really want to noe more abt u...deeply understand u more...i want to noe wat type of person r u..pls dun b shy with...share with me ur tink..ur feelings...i noe u r unhappy tat i told gene abt ur unhappiness...but thy really dun mean it...thy r juz 88 yrs ppl..u r older..try to b more understand ar...mayb u might tink i bother too much..dun understand at all..but thy r not out castin u....when u say i bother too much...sumtink hurts my heart...but i dint want to tell u right in front of ur face...but i was really hurt by tat...coz i really dun want ur friendship to b lk tat....i was tryin to help..by wat i get was those words frn ur mouth..sad ! aniway mayb i should not blame on u...blame on myself for being kpo...goin to study now...

wat the ! *&^%$#@!$#%%&%&

2005-06-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

nv try to led a guy on even u tink u have feelings or u already have..
it will only hurt both parties badly..
i have no intention to hurt u..i tried to hold back n not to tell u..but u keep asking me n i cant bear to lie to u...im realli confuse..is not tat i want to compare u..i nv want to compare u..all of u r special..u r special in ur way..he is oso..is juz tat some of the habit..u guys happen to b the same..mayb coz u r all guys or mayb im juz over sensetive..but do u need to show me ur F*cking attiude ! wat is tis lor..u ask me want happen n ask me to say wat im tinkin..after i say...u give me tis attiude...u guys can release ur stress by smoking or play dota..but me leh..??? wat can i do...i only can cry..but who can i cry to. ?? you ? can u understand ??? pls dun say u understand when u dun lor..i hate tat...
as i was typing tis posts..i cant help to let my tears flows...i oso need to release stress lor...so many tink to do in sch...tutorial..projects..term test...money...so many...n oso gonna tink of u too....but can i really tell u..when ever i look at u..lying in ur arms...feeling is more as days goes by...but do u tink i will really start a new relation when we havent really started n tinks already turn out lk tat ?.... i told u b4..u cant tk my temper..n u say u sure can...but now ?! i nv even loose my temper at all lor...i juz doin my own reflection or i sld say tinkin..juz want to look for someone to tok to...someone to understand..dun understand oso nvm...juz b der 4 me...but u oso cant do it...
wanted to apologies to u juz now ...wanted to get the thumbdrive frm kerlynn n pass to u..but since u told her that u dun want to c me....!!! FINE !!! since u want it tis way....so b it....i will leave u alone...u will have ur own life...so as me...u may tink im juz kidding, im childish...but im not... ok lor..if telling u that everytink is my fault..im Sorry. i should not say u n him ....but now i told myself..mayb we should keep a distance frm each other...tink properly...even though u might c tis post..im not askin u to understand or i oso not complaining or wat..i juz want to vent my anger n unhappiness....tats all.....
relationship SUCKS !!!!

......

2005-06-23T01:14:00.000+08:00

finally some tinks tat was meant to be settle long ago..finally was done..feeling much relieve now...but i wonder how long i need to recover the wound..do i still have confident to start a new one again..even though in sch..we r lk couple n we r acting lk 1 already...but u noe..im really veri scare..i dunoe how much courage i can give myself again...i noe how u feel towards me..n im getting more feeling towards u..everytym c u..u will juz make my day..but if seroiusly if u really want me to decide..i really cant make it..i oso hope on 19th aug..when the tym u ask again..the ans tat is given..is wat u want...thanks for giving me sometym to tink..appreciate it..with u ard..joy n laughten isnone stop..really veri long nv have the feeling..or mayb i sld say no one even give me tat feeling...but everytink is juz the begining..will it really always b the same..no one will noe the ans..do u noe the ans ? i wonder too....i lk the way u treat me now..n i lk the way we r now...but commitment is not easy...u might not get use to me...im not as gd as u tink..tats wat i tink abt myself..bad temper..petty...alot more...haiz ! life...hope mel n ql oso will stay gd..not lk today..so sianz..guys...even though not all r the same..but then..fear will always b der 4 b...dun want to lie to u...projects...exam...money....

veri sad..coz of sun ! i drop my dear 7610 in cab..y the uncle nv return to me..veri sad...now muz tink of ways to earn back money to buy back the same phone for myself b4 my mum found out...depress everyday..only can show it when no one is der..coz it will b unfair to everyone ard me...y u dun return me my money..y u so calculative with me..everytink want to charge into my accout..i wnat back my money badly to buy my phone...i really need bucks now..hopefully can go back to hub n work for awhile...

??????

2005-06-16T02:49:00.000+08:00

ok..bloggin in...
is abt a month in tp...got alot of projects on hand...need to pass up soon...sianz n STRESS !!!!
term test is juz ard the corner...havent study yet...DIE !

ok..now kerlynn n me both got two special laogong..n the most funny tink is...dun even noe how we all get involve...hahaha...ok..my 'laogong' tat i have not too bad..but everytym lk to put my nose!!!! but..he oso got super weak pt tat everyone will attack him...haha..ticker...

sch life have been tiring but everyday i have fun in skool coz of them....i cant imagain if i have to b in a seperate klass with them..how my life in tp will b...sianz...

tis few days or mayb i sld put as wks..got to noe tis guy tat treat me kinda sweet...
got a new tigger frm him..surpraise...he actually tk note of me quite alot of tink...smart guy...
so long ppl nv give me tigger liao...hehe...he's really a joker tat always make me laught...love the presence of him ard...

p.s : thanx frens..me is failure in relationship...really dunoe how to long handle well..tink im still not prepare 4 relationship ba...

.............

2005-06-11T01:58:00.000+08:00

bad day..sad day..not a gd day...
only (0906) i realli enjoy myself...

why ?

2005-06-09T02:08:00.001+08:00

why life is so miserable...
why life is so unpreditable..
why life is so terrible...
why muz we live in tis world...

why u saw me..u left
why r u avoiding me...
why u treating this way...
why cant we tok tinks out properly

why we always have so many problem
why we become these way
why we r so subborn
why u not afraid someone will take me away

who can ans me all tis whys...im really tired...
pls give me a break n someone to care for me...

i hate us...

2005-06-07T01:06:00.000+08:00

with you ard..life always have ups n downs
but recently we r juz getting apart
wat will happen to us in future
no one will noe
wat i noe is u got ur life n ive got mine

y u always want me to msg or call u first
cant to tk the first step
pls dun tell me stupid reasons lk
ur hand r dirty or u r juz too busy
or coz u scare im too bus
all tis r rubbish !

is the first tym tat one whole day we totally nv contact each other
did u miz me did u realli love me did u realli bother
all tis qns only u noe the ans...

skool !!!!!

2005-05-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

ok..me finally start skool...at tp's mobile n wireless computing..
so blur...so long nv touch bks..n now gonna learn so many tinks..

ppl r so far aways with lk dreamwaves,html,alice n etc..im lk juz beginners...
so stress up ! now me gonna do my own web page n i was lk wat ! how to do ???

classmates r ok..even though almost all r younger den me if not is same age..
but thy r still a bunch of fun cliques! haha..the funny tinks was..due to my age..i become their da da da jie! so lame...

tis few days, saw quite alot of ex sacian esp my dear sec 5/1 frens !! ok saw shirley(cant realli remember me n was shock! haha) , heng heng , esther , mj ,my juniors jas,dens,nurul n more..

n i found out 1 tink..TP students seems to only lk to eat western food..!!! everyday the queue is longer den others n my klass ppl oso the same! i am going to grow super FAT liao.!! so sad ! going to join cca to keep fit !

getting better...

2005-05-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

on the 2nd of may..
we finally had our heart to heart tok...
you have really show me tat u truely love me n willing to change for me...
i am really thanxful n touched by ur action..

tis fews days really went well for both of us..
i really hope we can juz maintein it...
i found tat i really cant lose u..
without u in my life...some colours r missing...

i noe is hard 4 u to change in a nite..
but as long as effort is place..
no matter how long u need..
i will give it to u..i promise !

been trying hard to b a gd n caring gf..
but it seems tat i juz feel tat i still not gd enough !
even though u have been cheering me up n encourage me tat i m veri gd
n keep thankin me 4 wati have done..

but is still not enough..
juz lk i told u..i want ppl to b envy of me..so as i am want ppl to envy U !
one wk not seeing u is suffering..
play well for SINGAPORE team ok my Dear...

even though im not allow to b der at KL to support u..
u sld know how much i wish i was there with u...
bcareful my boy..dun hurt urself...
miz u so much.....!!!!!

el...hey do u have a blog? miz ya..im fine..thanx for ur concern..tats wat i need frm a fren..
tk care....!!!

esther...thank you ! ya..i agree...mayb i juz need to learn frm u man...both of you have bulid a strong relationship.. really thanks for ya encouragement.. tk care !

life not getting rite...

2005-04-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

so much tinks have happened...
so envy ppl with relationship so stable..bf treating them so sweet..
so nice to have someone tat understand u well...

but finally i took up the courage to end it now...back to single life...
i wonder am i making the rite decision..but i had enough....we can nv get along well animore..being together will only make both of us suffer more...so wat we love each other...no point..!!! hope love can fade soon n tears can stop flowing...

i tink im realli a person tat veri diff to get along...when at this point of tym i wish to have a friend bside me...i realise tat i dun have a realli friend to count on...am i realli so bad? tears keep flowing...sick n tired of life...
mayb all this tink happen to me i am to blame...

got a rest of 1 wk frm work..but u juz cant give me ur tym..im always the last in ur mind..u say u love me...all the tinks tat u treat me ..issit really love me...going to get back to work soon..mayb i juz work work work..all this will get past soon.....

i noe u wont be able to read tis coz u dun even bother..no 1 bothers about jossie..she's juz irritating...i tried to tok to u..but every time u will find ur way to win..sick !
i will miz u but will not call u again...gd bye my dear...

2005-02-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

have been feelin sad tis few wks...tink juz not goin rite 4 us....
kinde bored of life.....getting result soon...haiz...

dunoe wat to say...who can i count on? i guess no 1...

so long.....

2005-01-20T14:38:00.000+08:00

it has been so long nv update..busy hubbing...

ok where sld i start with my life...
so sad..going to change manager..adrian goin cuppage ,all leavin except lazy kim wei...hehe!
yesterday e mini me cum to shop....ecerybody gonne act show...so pai sei...had to give pamplate in front of shop at tm...wat if i c ppl i noe...

but then...kinda tink of it..is gd lah..pay me an hour 7 bucks to slack....haha! ok..at nite met my gior frens 4 supper...miz them...darren drove n bring us ard to view hse...n i saw tis damn super nice hse near orchard..but quite diff to go lah...oh my god...tat apartment so damn class lor..american style..my dream hse...

we oso tok abt some ghostly tink n i realli feel goosebump when passing by tis hse n a street...err...
i was tellin xiao may wat happen when in sac camp days...experience so ...tink..especially tat tech blk..im sure ani 1 of us muz have scare by tat ghostly blk..hehe! kinda tink of it..I MISS SCH !!!! actualli jossie will oso miss sch man...haha!

hey babes! how r u guys...
who am i tokin abt !? is YOU ! ya is YOU ...dun doubt....im miss you! leave me a msg ok...
tk care frens...

2005-01-03T15:00:00.000+08:00

finally have tym 2 update..so long nv do tat..
busy at work...aniwae HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR !
new yr new tink ?
erm..not yet...but relationship is getting abit beta...
now muz work more 2 earn more $$$ !!!!

doing closing now..hehe finish work now updating...haha !!!!
ok..
replys..
sh..erm i tink is sin hwee rite ? ya lor now hubbing at tm..got tym muz cum visit me k...miz ya..

kky..hey girl..miz ya u noe...meet up one day leh...msg me k..tell me wat happen n i can help u noe ?! hehe..

ah ng..thank girl..im ok now..feelin beta..thank 4 e support...hope u r fine too...

mj..aiyo..wat else can i sae to u ? c u every sat n we can tok all we 1 u noe ? but muz update me all ur tink u noe ?

okok..gonna log off le...miz all my 5/1 babes ! meet up soon k...:P

2004-12-23T07:19:00.000+08:00

have been feeling down tis few days...
but cant seem to look for someone to tok to..
i tink elaine noe i am not ok..but how am i suppose to start?
everytym with her is happy times...u noe i veri long nv cry in front of u le rite...
guess i have to learn to b a big girl now n not crybaby or childish animore..

after sat...we have not stop querreling..i noe u r piss off coz of my work tym..but issit we tok abt it b4??? guess u stil cant get used to it...
mon is my off day...throw my temper on fone,sceam here n der..lk mad woman..cant stand myself being lk tat!!wat happen to me !!???? guess is too STRESS workin in hubbing life...got so many tink need to learn...gonna get along well with new collenges..haiz!

yesterday tue fall sick...no voice n dwn with cold...he bring me to c doctor n after tat we had a long tok..i realise he realli actually care 4 me alot...love me more than i do...wat a bad girl i am...
today off again..sianz sia...gonne have a long wks ahead !!!

oh ya..sue !!! HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY !!! n MERRY CHRISTMAS to ALL MY DEAR FRENS !!!

2004-12-13T06:01:00.000+08:00

blogging in again...

had a big aguement again...u seems lk getting further away frm me....dunoe y...
eyes swollen coz i cant control myself frm not crying..i noe u dun lk..but i cant help it...
when i c tears in ur eyes..i feel im such a lousy gf..how can i make my boi cry again...
can i go work in peace ???

tue i will b startin to hub at tm..so lucky of me getting near my hse..so sad..mich will b at ps..
Dear buddies..if happen to c me muz cum in n sae hello k..coz i miz u ppl...tml will b workin at airport..wonder wat project is tat...gonna wake up super early 4 work le...

tat day after training..went toilet with me at starhub building...guess wat! we got lock inside the damn building n cant cum out...lucky still got ppl inside e building dunoe do wat...but aniwae we manage to escape..hehe! if we realli stuck inside..den will b ...

message to:

kky...wanted to tag message 4 u..but cunoe y cannot..juz hope tat u r fine n muz miz me k...

esther...hey babe..start skool le ar..hope ya doin fine..meet soon k...

mj...hey girl..i guess i will juz c u at hub k..hehe

ah ng...when r u starting skool girl...got ur driving licence den can fetch us ard k..hehe! kidding..

eunice...r u alrite? cant blog in to site liao..hope u r fine..if prossible give me ur password k...

sya..hey pretty...enjoyin skool ar..miz e days when we all together ar..meet up 1 day k..

siew chin..always wanted to tag u..but dunoe wats ya password...can give me?

kl...how r u getting along..so i tink i c u on 13th k....den we tok again...

ok..did i miz out ani1..??i hope not..miz ALL my 5/1 frenz....

life goes on...

2004-12-09T02:15:00.000+08:00

goin to start hubbing life soon...dunoe whether sld i b excited anot...tis few days had been stickin wif my dar alot..realli afraid tat hubbing life with drift apart...u scare i will lk other guys n i scare u will lk other girls..shows tat we realli care abt each other...
i noe tis few wks during work..u always get bullied by TBC n other promotor especially e simens girl n ur partner..but is okie coz during work u will always met devils...
im so unreasonable when we querral.but u have to please me when is my fault..Shit sie..wat a lousy gf i am...i have promise u i will try to change n im tryin veri hard..hope u will give me sum tym..coz i oso noe u r tryin veri hard 4 me...
soon..i cant company you 4 ice hockey..but u still muz cont to play hard n skate hard k..shot in more goals lk tis few wks..hehe!

so sad..only can get pay after xmas...i got so many tinks need to buy n do..still owing tuition fees..sianz! noe im franking broke n when start workin still need bucks !!!wonder which outlet will i b in..hope will b the same as mich..hehe!

*to my darling*
i noe more problems will b ahead of us..i noe i getting more crybaby..but i juz cant control...no matter wat happen..i will still love u...cant promise wat will happen to us but i will still care abt u lk u do 4 me......

updates !!!

2004-11-17T09:17:00.000+08:00

its had been so long tat i nv update myself..erm...whereh sld i start ?!

erm ok..exams are ok..left a last geog paper tml...i tink tis yrs maths n eng is lk slightly easiler den last yr...hopeful can pass n enter poly...lookin forward 4 new life!! hehe...

ok..tat day went clubbin with mj n ah poon...miz them sia...so long nv c them..too bad mich lim cant cum..esther no reply...haiz! when can we all go clubbin again ?! zouk tat dae super alot of ppl...squeeze lk hall...aiyo dunoe wats e prob sia..end up at MS da wu bar...

den when we enter..a angmo tell me tat ur fren is pretty ! guess who isssit? MS MJ lah...happi ar....

aiyo...gonne go le..story update again in my next blog...sorry ar...

* miz my 5/1 frens !!!! *

sUmtInk haPpen !!!!!

2004-10-25T10:45:00.000+08:00

yesterday sumtink happen 2 mi...

everytink was juz fine...during at nite..i was waiting for my dar to eat dinner together after his work...
we had sum arguement of wat to eat n wat to do..den...suddenly i felt imy chest area pain..a pain i never felt b4...den i didnt wana tok much to him..i walk away...

when i was walkin near to the cpf buliding at tempines..my heart get even pain...den he came along..we went to sit at the interchange der..near the fone booth..i start to feel diff in breathing...he thot i was kidding...

my condition got worst ! i could feel my whole body sherving n soon i felt numb...he wanted to send me hm by cab but i din wana...i called my brother 4 help...hehe! of coz my bro got shock ! after putting dwn the fone..my bro called again..i let sunny hear tis tym...he ask 4 our location...i was breathing super fast...n i was cant control...i felt so weak n no strenght....tears juz keep flowing dwn my cheeks......i couldnt even open my eyes to see the surrounding...

soon i heard my brother came...he was trying to calm mi dwn...but it gonna worst ! suuny was bside mi..he nv leave mi...he place my head towards his chest...so sweet..hehe! my brother c tat i got worst..he say sent mi to HOSPITAL ! i was tinkin..huh..hospital ?! thy knew i couldnt walk..so my brother piggy back mi...first tym..my brother piggy back mi..hehe! den sunny went to flag a cab...so shy sia...at tempines interchange lk tat..wonder got ani 1 i noe recongize mi mah...i juz felt lk ani tym i will blackout lk tat..so scare..!!! first tym in my 18th years....

den i was carried to e wheelchair...i could only hear noise..noe wat thy saying ar...den i tink i male doctor tok to me...he was so impatiention n rude lor...he raise his voice at mi lor..n ask mi alot of qns..how am i suppose to ans him when im lk tat...no brain sia !!!!! den when he was listening my heartbeat...i tink he kinda of kana my breast lor.. !!!!

den i could feel my brother carried mi to a bed ar...i jux keep holdin my dar's hand....now i slightly beta..i whisper to dar tat i wana change to a female doc ! i tink ltr a female called dr lee cum ar...she say i still too tends n breathing too fast ! she sae im having hypertension.... aiyo dunoe wats tat ar...den only 1 person can accompany mi in e observation re..so my dar stay with mi...hehe! my i ask him to go n tk his bike n go hm n rest..coz tml he still gonna work...den he left! but he promise he will b back n will company throughout the nite !! den soon...i need to pee !!! shit sia..i was tinkin how to go..i got no strenght....den i ask the nurse to help mi...tat old aunty nurse so fiecer ! she help mi to e toilet n keep askin mi to stand..aiyo i feel so numb how to stand ! den she tk off my pants 4 mi..so embrasser sia...first tym. !!!! den i ask her to turn ard den i can pee mah...she wanted to look at mi lor...!!!!

come out of the toilet..i saw dear..his back ! n he even went to buy food 4 mi...sumore at 85 market..im realli touch ! but i jux cant eat...the nurse say i lk princess lk tat ... hehe! the doc gave mi a med to calm mi dwn...oso to let mi slp lor...in my 18th Years...slping in hospital...so scare sia...dunoe wat to do...when i was slping..i could feel darling holdin on to my hands..rubbing 4 mi..scare i cold....din noe tat he can b so sweet !

when i wake up..i felt beta..but still numb lor...den sunny feed mi to eat..one mouth at a tym..he oso havent eat dinner...den i ask him to share...when i check out the clock..time flies sia...i had been in the hosiptal for 4 hrs...den i say i wana go hm...i see him so tired n still muz company mi...heart pain sia...i ask my brother can he stay at our hse tonite coz is dangerous 4 him to ride hm when he is only half sobber...my brother of coz say can lah...lucky he understanding....

sTreSs !!!!!!

2004-10-14T11:00:00.000+08:00

stress !!!! haiz...gonne study 4 the 'O's again...
nearly everyday gonna go thru n fro to suntec 4 lesson...broke ar...
maths n maths n maths..!!!!!!
eng n eng...!!!!! haiz!

sumore tis fews, keep feelin unwelll...the worst is the stupid mens oso cum..
been throwing temper at him...argue n querrel n cry...so confuse...

he busy workin..feel lost abit...but no choice ar..we gonna eat n spent...
haiz..hope tis period quickly end manz....den i can work n buy alot alot of tinks..!!! hehehe....

zouk !!!!

2004-09-21T19:22:00.000+08:00

hehe...zouk realle danm fun....!!!!!
went with sunny n his blur buddy n of coz my laopo Elaine !!!!hehe...
the music is damn nice n realli can lose fats der man..hehe!
but e crowd was veri packed..
squeeze lk hell man....haha!
eh..anitym who wana go..but call me k? hehe...

mY firSt entRy....!!!!!

2004-09-04T12:00:00.000+08:00

hi ppl..

welcum 2 my own blog...hehe
kinda excited abt it..hehe
i took me sumtym to set up my blog due to com dwn..*sob sob*
ok..still got sumtink tat unsure how 2 use...
so still need help ar..

cum in more often k..
c ya ! =)